 Whirled News and Travel Tidbits from seasoned (some say "over-seasoned") traveller, Cora Blimey. This month, she sounds off on 'Shady' Airline shades, Barbaric Bottled Water, X-Rated X-rays, Big Fiddles in little places and the intricacies of stabbing yourself with a toothbrush.
A "Shady" Response...
Dear Editor: I've often wondered why the airline flight attendants make you raise the window shades prior to landing?
Paul, QLD
Good question Paul. A flight attendant friend of mine claims that, officially, this is "a preventative measure to help assist with orientation in the case of a crash landing". Unofficially, however (she whispered this into my ear when no-one was looking), it is because the pilot and flight attendants generally have no idea where they are, or if they are even landing in the right country. Opening the window shades prior to landing gives them enough time to look around outside, gauge the surrounding landscape below, triangulate a position, and then concoct a story like "uh, we're in a holding pattern" while they hit the brakes (let's call it "turbulence") and scramble to turn the plane around.
Do you know the way to San Jose (Costa Rica)?
 The World's Largest Fiddle
Needless to say, she's not the first to make an Airport Code mistake. In Australia alone there are heaps of wayward possibilities. Entering an airport code like SDY would land you in Sidney, Montana, while MLB would find you in Melbourne, Florida. ADE is not Adelaide, but is in fact in Aden, Yemen, whereas HOB will not get you anywhere near Tassie, but instead Hobbs, New Mexico. DAR will get you a nice holiday in Dar Es Salaam, Tanzania, while BRI would land you in Bari, Italy. Finally, for the pollies out there, it's best that you avoid using CAN altogether, unless you want to go to Guangzhou, China.
Airline (In)security?
Dear Editor: This just doesn't make sense: when going through Airport security, you have to toss your water bottle into the bin, but then after you go through the gate, you can buy as much water as you want from the terminal's newsagents or cafes, and then bring those onto the plane. What the heck? Thomas, via email
You're right Thomas, it's a bit puzzling. While the "official explanation" is that that all terminal food & beverage items beyond the checkpoint have been pre-screened for safety, we reckon the REAL explanation lies in a secret, global consortium called NASTI-PASTI: the Newsagent Alliance to Stick-it to Tourists Internationally via Preposterously-priced Airport Snacks and Travel Items. Creators of the $10 meat pie, NASTI-PASTI is "committed to massive profits at minimal portion sizes" and is part of a global syndicate that sells food and beverages in train stations, sports venues, and petrol stations world-wide.
Does my bum look big in this?
 Speaking of security, you've probably heard about the new Backscatter X-ray technology that's coming to an airport near you. Unlike a traditional security archway, the backscatter X-ray is an imaging system that can see directly through your clothes, highlighting any hidden weapons or explosives. Unfortunately, it also highlights all the hidden belly rolls, flab and "naughty bits" that are the reason we're wearing clothes in the first place. While the officials claim that these racy images cannot be stored or saved, the privacy advocates are all up in arms, so to speak. But the real question here is: have "Airport Security Personnel" job applications skyrocketed in recent weeks?
Who says a bus is safer than a plane?
Things are going from bad to worse at Qantas. In addition to the recent multiple "mishaps" onboard their planes, seven people were injured when a Qantas bus swerved to avoid an accident with another vehicle at Sydney Airport last month. When you consider all that's happened to Qantas lately, it makes you wonder if either A) outsourcing their maintenance work contracts overseas was a really bad idea, or B) the local Qantas maintenance staff are taking a page out of The Sopranos and calling in their "associates" for a little maintenance work of their own?
Other Bits-n-pieces
Qantas isn't alone in the news. A Jetstar plane leaving Darwin had to turn around and land after a passenger stabbed himself with a weapon made from a toothbrush. Though details were sketchy, we're told the passenger suffered from "mental health issues". Either that, or he had just seen the cost of a meat pie in the Jetstar in-flight menu…
According to Melbourne's The Age, Tiger Airways is considering a proposal which would allow passengers to check-in after the 45-minute cut-off time … if they are willing to pay a fee. Tiger has not confirmed the proposal, but said the carrier was "always looking at ways to be more cost effective". Other proposals not mentioned (but we're betting they are coming soon) could include charging "optional add-on fees" for using the lavatories, adjusting your tray table, taking off, landing, or use of the emergency oxygen masks.
WIN!
Have you (or your bags) ever been affected by an Airport code mishap? Or, do you have a crazy travel question for Cora? Let us know. Just drop an email to
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